The stigmas on mental illness and suicide

People often say things like "suicide is never the answer," or "suicide is such a selfish act." Most people have the luxury of not really knowing what they're talking about. And I hope they never have to know what I know. But one thing I would really like to change about suicide is the way we talk--or don't talk--about it.



As a society, we're in a much better place today than we were 50 years ago or even 20 years ago, as it pertains to suicide and the most often related mental illness. Less and less do I hear the word "shrink" in reference to counselors, therapists, psychiatrists, and psychologists. More research is being performed and published. There is more talk; more credence given to mental illness. More schools have counselors, more businesses and corporations employ counselors and therapists to be available to their employees. We're moving toward a better place, certainly, but there is much more progress to be made.
Mental illness can be as chronic as lymph cancer. It can also be as acute as a cold or the flu, and last only weeks or days. It is an illness, to be sure. But for many, the term "mentally ill" only conjures up images of an insane asylum and people adorned in straight-jackets. But as many times as I've sat in a waiting room, waiting to see a therapist for one thing or another, and wandering my eyes around the place, I've yet to see anyone who fits those archaic stereotypes.
And what about suicide? What images does one see when he or she thinks of that punch-you-in-the-stomach, powerful word? What do you feel inside when you think of the idea of suicide? Death, in and of itself, is an uncomfortable topic for many people. And chances are, due to their discomfort with such an idea, most people haven't ever gotten much past a glancing thought about suicide. And I don't blame them. 
In a way, I'm lucky. I'm only 36 and there have now been maybe 5 chapters of my life during which I've regularly met with a therapist or counselor. So when my mom took her own life last summer, I immediately knew where to find help. And more important, I knew I'd need it. I am very pro therapy. I often find myself talking to a friend, or even a stranger, and advocating therapy. For me there is no stigma; there is no shame in 'checking your head.' In fact, I fully believe that my mental health habits are evidence that I am stronger than those who attempt to ignore mental traumas, great or small. I'm not trying to brag, mind you; it's just how I see it.
For a few people, once parts of my life, I wish they had seen mental health as I see it now. And so, I'll go on, advocating for mental check-ups, as I believe they are just as important, or more so, as the routine physicals we get for all kinds of reasons or no reason at all. 
As for suicide, I would never suggest that it's the answer. I would never let someone I know toy with that idea for any amount of time. Knowing too well the confused messes and the broken hearts suicide leaves in its path, I am going to try and cause change in our society; I'm going to try and remove the stigmas associated with mental illness; I'm going to be an advocate for helping ourselves to the helps that are needed and are increasingly more available today than they were only decades ago. 
Who am I? Well...no one, really. Yet. I'm a senior biology student with aspirations of P.A. school, one day to be a physician assistant. I'm a survivor of my mother's suicide. I'm the founder and director of Breathe: Suicide Survivor's Support Group at Utah Valley University. I want to be the change I want to see in the world. I want to be a fire underneath the ass of the health care system; an advocate to pay much, MUCH closer attention to mental health. I'm the guy who thinks we're not just bodies; we're also minds and souls.
I want to share a list of quotes I found about suicide, just to shine light on some different ways to see it:

Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to live.
Charles Caleb Colton

That's the thing about suicide. Try as you might to remember how a person lived his life, you always end up thinking about how he ended it.
Anderson Cooper

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."
Bill Maher

There is no refuge from confession but suicide; and suicide is confession.
Daniel Webster

We can consciously end our life almost anytime we choose. This ability is an endowment, like laughing and blushing, given to no other animal... in any given moment, by not exercising the option of suicide, we are choosing to live.
Peter McWilliams

For many centuries, suicides were treated like criminals by the society. That is part of the terrible legacy that has come down into society's method of handling suicide recovery. Now we have to fight off the demons that have been hanging around suicide for centuries.
Judy Collins

I don't think Jimi committed suicide in the conventional way. He just decided to exit when he wanted to.
Eric Burdon

A suicide kills two people, Maggie, that's what it's for!
Arthur Miller

As anyone who has been close to someone that has committed suicide knows, there is no other pain like that felt after the incident.
Peter Greene

Devastating.....or AWESOME?

I'm inclined to believe that knowledge is power, and that "abstinence only" programs aren't working. (See Utah's chlamydia rates among younger people.) But I'm the father of only one child--a three year old--who obviously isn't ready for "the talk." But I would like to hear your opinions on this issue, especially if you are experienced parents. Should we support abstinence only programs, or even no programs at all, when it comes to sex ed in public schools?

"Of sex education in Utah, Rep. Bill Wright, R-Holden, recently said: “Why don’t we just be honest with them up front that sex outside marriage is devastating?”

Well, if we’re going to be totally up front, Bill, we’ll have to tell kids that sex outside marriage is also sometimes awesome. If I were a teacher, and had to “just be honest,” I would have to tell kids that sex outside marriage — for me — has been fun, moving, steamy, spiritual and completely disease-free (also child-free!). I’d also have to tell kids that sometimes it’s been boring, a blow to my ego and less good than masturbating.

I’m flummoxed by Wright’s sense of “honest” and “up front.” Clearly, his understanding of those words doesn’t include the experiences of his constituents. Sex inside of marriage can also be devastating. It depends how you’re doing it. A few married people I know are currently devastated by their sex lives, and a few are overwhelmed by the results of sex without a condom.

Sex with multiple partners can be dangerous, yes. Herpes? Never awesome. Or so I hear. I never got it, which I owe, in part, to my eighth-grade sex education class."

Matthew Ivan Bennett

Midvale

God gave us stuff to kill?

So I was getting the mail this afternoon, at my dad's house, and saw one of his hunting magazines, Eastman's Hunting Journal. Whenever I see these magazines, I do something that can be described as something between an eye roll and a cringe. I was just never wired to be able to glorify killing things for fun or "for sport."
Not long ago, I found my childhood journal. I hadn't written in it much, but I decided to go through it, just to reminisce. (I think I found it when my mom died, and I wanted to see if there was anything about her I could use for my funeral talk.) I found an envelope in there that contained 3 letters I got way back when I was just thirteen years old. One letter was from my mom, one from my dad, and one from myself. They were written for me to take along and open while I was on a spiritual wilderness outing with other youth from my church. The plan was to fast for the first day and then go out in the trees, by ourselves, and pray and try to commune with God. And at that time, we were to open the letters and read them. To keep this short, I'll just say that my letter to myself was to remind myself of some things I wanted to ask God. It surprised me, pleasantly I guess, that at 13, I had the consciousness to ask God if hunting was wrong. I suppose I was nervous, knowing I'd be old enough to hunt deer and elk with my dad the following year at age 14. (So YOUNG to be out there carrying and shooting a high-powered rifle, especially with so many other hunters in the same mountains.)
Well, I guess it took me about 4 more years to fully understand God's answer to my question. I hunted and killed a tiny little 2-point mule deer my first year, age 14. I remember feeling the adrenaline while aiming and pulling the trigger; then again while walking up on my kill. I was feeling happy, knowing I had made my dad proud of my shooting ability (Open sights, no scope, from 150 yds). At the same time, there was this unavoidable feeling of doubt, staring at this animal whose life I'd taken. But what was done was done. I hunted after that, but didn't kill again until I was 17. My dad had gotten me a permit to shoot a pronghorn in Southern Utah. We drove down really early in the morning. I was driving my own car so I could head home in time to work later that day. On the way down, still dark out, I hit a deer with my car. I radioed my dad to tell him the bad news. He came back to put the deer out of its misery. (I guess I couldn't?) We mashed the folded hood down so I could see and kept on south. We hadn't been down there long, (Parker Mountain, I believe) when we saw some pronghorn. I got out with my rifle, sneaked along the ground and got a shot off. I can't remember for sure but, I think I hid it in the guts on the first shot, so I shot again to kill it. When I walked up on it, I wasn't really excited, other than my curiosity of what a pronghorn looks like up close being satisfied. I began to gut it out, which I really didn't know how to do, but my dad wanted me to learn that way. I accidentally cut into its bladder (a bad mistake) and the stench was awful. Pronghorn aren't that tasty; most people don't even eat the meat; at least not much of it. Finally, standing there, looking down at this beautiful animal, something changed inside of me for good. I didn't understand it all right then but, a while later, realized I was not a sport hunter. And as far as I understand my god, I can only believe that hunting, for ANY reason other than to feed yourself and others, is wrong. I haven't completely sworn hunting off; I've considered harvesting an elk because I really like the meat and it's better for us than feed-lot cattle. But I will NEVER hunt an animal because I want to see its head on my wall, its rug on my floor, or my picture with it in a magazine.
Now, back to the magazine I found in the mail today. I didn't open it; I know what it says inside; I've heard it all and read it all before, being an advocate for wolves. A big headline on the cover read: "Hunting God's Country for Wolves." To me, this is one of the most ironic phrases I can think of. This headline assumes that the writer and the reader believe in God. And for sure, they're speaking of the Judeo-Christian God, Eloheim, Heavenly Father, Jesus the Christ, etc...And I can't wrap my mind around the concept of believing in God, believing you're toting a gun around God's country, and somehow, God is eh-OK with you killing wolves (God's creation) for sport and fun.
I know that I don't know everything, or even very much. But I know irony when I read it.

What do you know about being Mormon?

Hey Everyone:I decided to make a non-scientific survey about the Mormon faith. I'm curious about what Mormons and non-Mormons think or believe about the following questions. Please feel free to answer in a comment or to email me with your answers if you'd rather your answers be private.(You'll notice I'm not looking for yes or no answers, because I actually want a personally thought out, personal answer.)

1. Are you a member of the Mormon Church?

2. If you are a member, do you consider yourself to be "active?"

3. If you are NOT a Mormon, do you at least know someone who is a member of the Mormon Church?

4. What is your understanding about what Mormons believe about who God is? (Trinity believe or not? God is a man/woman/spiritual being/other?)

5. What is your understanding about what Mormons believe about Joseph Smith's role?

6. Do you follow the Mormon "Word of Wisdom" commandment? What exactly does it mean to follow it or not to follow it?

7. What do Mormons believe about Jesus? What was/is his role?

8. Do Mormons believe in modern-day prophecy? What does this mean?

9. Have you ever disagreed with a Mormon prophet? If so, on what matter? And if so, do you believe this affects your salvation or your future in an after-life?

10. Arrange the following 'sins' in order; least to worst:     a. murder
     b. smoking
     c. stealing
     d. adultery
     e. lying
     f. drinking
     OR, do you believe sin is sin?

11. Where do Mormons draw the line? What will keep one out of Heaven?

12. What is required, in the Mormon church, to get into Heaven?

13. Did you, or do you plan to serve as a Mormon missionary?

14. What is the role of Mormon temples?

15. What does it mean to you to be a "good Mormon?" Using some of the above topics for question, talk about them in the context of being a "good Mormon?"

16. Do Mormons believe in marriage at a specific age?

17. How big or small are Mormon families?

18. Are Mormons Republican or Democrat? Should they be one more than or, instead of, the other?

19. Does your faith influence your politics? Is it possible to keep the two separate?

20. What is the role of the Bible? The Book of Mormon? The Doctrine and Covenants or Pearl of Great Price?

21. What is the best Mormon-based book you've read, NOT including canonized scripture?

22. If you're Mormon, is your family Mormon? Your extended family?

23. When did you become Mormon?

24. What would you say are the top two or three benefits or blessings you enjoy through being Mormon?

25. From the following choices, would any of the following keep you from being friends:
     a. a person who smokes?
     b. a person who drinks?
     c. a person who has premarital sexual relations?
     d. a person who swears or uses profanity?
     e. a person who watches R-rated movies?
     f. a person who is politically opposite you?
     g. a person who is gay/lesbian/transgender?

26. Would any of the choices from question 25 keep a Mormon from being a 'good Mormon?'

27. If you are Mormon, what do you think of someone who votes pro-choice? Of a person who votes pro-life?

28. Are you more or less inclined, or neither, to trust a Mormon?

29. In no more than a couple of sentences, describe people of the Mormon faith as you best understand?

30. If you are not a Mormon, would you ever consider becoming one? Why or why not?

Additional questions revision:

31. Are Mormons racist or prejudice? If you say yes, do you believe this is born out of what is taught in church, or do you believe it's just personal choice?

32. Do you find any of the doctrines of Mormonism to be strange/weird/occult/not Christ-like? Please explain your answer.

33. What is the difference between faith and knowledge, and how do you apply that to your own religion, or to your relationship with God?

34. In your own words, from your own experience, who/what is God?

35. If you were to give any advice to a Mormon about their religion, what would it be? (Keep it to one or two sentences. And go ahead and answer whether or not you are Mormon.)




Thanks Everyone for taking this survey. If you'd like, you can just cut and paste the questions with your answers and private message it to me. You can also send it to my email, if you'd rather at iamtherascal1@gmail.com.

I LOVE this!

http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/52486958-78/mayne-gay-lds-ward.html.csp?page=2#disqus_thread

The Lightning

This was taken last night near Spanish Fork on Arrowhead Trail. My friend Tim shot this one, and the next, aimed straight up above us, which is why you see water droplets on the lens, blurring out some of the bolts.

From Arrowhead Trail, looking at the lightning striking over Payson.
All of the following were taken Saturday night. It was an amazing storm.
I was parked out West of Payson, out Utah Ave., and just past the train tracks, aiming the camera toward Genola. Some people have mentioned that they dislike the pole in my shots. I kept it in some of the photos to give some composition and to show that this extreme weather is happening right in our backyard.





Lucky number seven?

I'm sort of fascinated by lightning photography because it is a little challenging, but also because it gives you the chance to really view a lightning strike, whereas, in real time, you have about a millisecond to see it as it happens.

If you see any of these you really like, feel free to let me know. Or, if you really don't like one for one reason or another, I welcome constructive criticism, as an aspiring photographer.

Late Night Lightning Storm

I have this fascination with lightning storms and, a goal of mine is to capture some lightning, but in that oh-so-perfect shot. I have yet to nail it like i want to but, here are three pics I got at between 1:30 and 3:00AM. The first one isn't too great, but it shows you all of the many tens of branches of a lightning bolt. The light at the bottom left is just a street lamp. All of these were taken from the spit at Lincoln Beach, Utah Lake State Park, UT.
This one is a little better. It took me a while to get the camera all dialed in so it was performing about how I needed it to. At first, I had the f number too big and, apparently, the ISO too low. Maybe my camera just isn't good enough because, I've read people online shooting lightning at 100 ISO. But my sensor wasn't picking up much at 200. So, I had to bump that up to 800 for these. I have a lot to learn. There aren't many lightning-shooting experts, and I don't have any photographer friends who've shot much of it so, I'm probably on my own to get it figured out. Here's hoping for another great storm soon.
I couldn't seem to get away from the wind and the rain, in order to stay set up outside, on the ground. So, I was doing the best I could inside my car. My tripod definitely isn't the best and, it doesn't fit real well on the passenger seat where I had it. But, that was the way things went tonight. As you can see, the way I had it set up on the passenger seat, it was more than slightly off-kilter; the bottom of the frame in the 3rd pic is some distant land on the left and the surface of Utah Lake on the right. This shot could have been so much better, had I been able to set up on the ground with everything perfectly set for a nice landscape shot. Oh well; I think it's my best lightning shot to date. I won't quit trying to get that perfect shot, somewhere down the road.